Eau de Pew! Eau de Pong! – Celebrity “Scents”

pepe-le-pewLately I’ve been trying to rebuild my collection of favorite perfumes, so I broke down and used a coupon I got for Fragrance.net. I went to their website and started poking around and started seeing perfumes that I like but had totally forgotten about.

You know how it is. Some scent profile comes into vogue (pun intended) sending a whole slew of scents into exile because they are now out of fashion.

I’m not overly concerned with fashion. I like what I like. You may call it old fashioned, but I call it old school…or retro.

Anyway, I’m picking perfumes that I haven’t thought about in years. I even buy a bottle of cologne for my husband because I’m not a (complete) selfish bitch. After I check out, I see this article.

 7 Best Celebrity Perfumes—and the 3 Worst. 

Here’s a new fragrance I just made up:

Hollywood’s “Shite” – “Because what celebrity doesn’t think their shit don’t stink?”

Frankly, I don’t want to smell like any of these “celebs.”

I don’t wan’t to smell like:


Sarah Jessica



C-, D-, or E-L-O



New York or Rome

 I definitely don’t want to smell like a Kardashian.

More like nightmares...
Dreams? More like nightmares…

And I always thought Elizabeth Taylor’s “White Diamonds” smell like the sheets of a bordello after Mardi Gras and should perhaps be called “White Trash.” Her olfactory offense is the one credited with starting the trend.

Speaking of bordello sheets, a few days ago I read an article in an old Allure magazine while waiting for my friend who was getting her hair cut. It was about perfume and some of the “unsavory” sources of some of the world’s most famous scents. They generally had to do with some animal’s glands (e.g. musk) or excrement, and the fragrance note is referred to as “animalistic” or “scatological.” Fortunately, nowadays these scents have a synthetic equivalent.

It may sound gross, but when mixed together the right way, they produce some amazing scents, even ones that I like.

Do it wrong, and you get Elizabeth Taylor’s “White Diamonds.”

Call me a snob, but I’m not interested in most of these “celebrities,” especially those who are famous for being famous. What the fuck is that? I think the most useless job title in the world is “socialite.” If you can add “humanitarian” or something useful after it, then we can talk.

Class acts like Audrey Hepburn, who helped promote and inspire Givenchy, she had real style. And no matter what turmoil she may have endured in her private life, her public persona was elegant.

Now compare Audrey…givenchy-linterdit…to the likes of Kim Kardashian.



I rest my case.


©2015 Jayne Marlowe. Moonchild Press.



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